How To Deal With Sudden Feelings of Body Shame And Guilt
What To Do On A Bad Body Image Day
Social media has had a big part to play in the perpetuation of negative feelings towards our bodies, but it has also been a sounding board for many in opening up candidly about their struggles. From supermodels, to teenagers, to busy parents, there are many accounts of people sharing their real experiences no matter their body type, and curating your feed to deliver more authentic and relatable content is not only possible, but necessary in helping to maintain sound mental health.
But simply culling and adding a few people on social media isn’t enough, so here are my top tips for dealing with feelings of shame and guilt around your body.
Check In With Yourself, Ask The Following:
“Where are these thoughts coming from? Who told me that? Is this my voice? Or something I was told as a child?” - The majority of the time your mind is either feeding you these thoughts to try and protect you, or it is generational negative self talk, societal pressures and the opinions/insecurities of others projected onto you - someone else’s opinion that never belonged to you in the first place. It is MUCH easier to let something go when you start to understand and comprehend that the majority of these thoughts are baseless and do not serve you.
Remember the office
Anything about our body that we have been made to feel is an “issue” that needs “fixing” has been a natural occurrence for human beings for thousands of years. It is in the best interest of a Company’s profit margins to create a need for something they can sell. They will slightly shift and change this standard over time, the standard that most people do not match unless they spend a lot of time and effort trying to. Their aim is to create an ‘elite’ group of people and thus a large gap that can only be crossed by buying products or following disordered habits of thinking and action.
Don’t assume others are judging you
To be frank, you’re not a mind reader and you're assuming you know what people are thinking when you really have no idea from the outside. It’s not necessarily your fault that you have succumbed to a pattern of assuming others are judging you, maybe you have experienced some incredibly hurtful events in the past so this advice is not meant to invalidate those experiences, but our minds also haven’t quite caught up to the present day yet. In humans’ tribal era, fearing an outsider’s perspective would have proven incredibly useful in keeping us safe within our own communities, as being ostracised from them could easily have resulted in death. Our brain’s number one function is to keep us alive (not happy), and it does so by moving us away from danger/unfamiliarity and towards pleasure/safety. Assuming others are judging you may have become a familiar pattern through no fault of your own, but it is your responsibility to start changing this if you are willing and able to do so.
Tell yourself a better lie
You’re assuming someone may judge you negatively, so try switching to assuming they’re thinking incredible things about you. In removing this negative assumption, you open yourself up to the opportunity of being more easily comfortable in many more social settings, and the sooner you realise that most people are so preoccupied with worrying about what you think of them, the sooner the veil of uncertainty will be lifted.
For example, if you're sitting in your car at the gym and find you’re frozen with fear, change the pictures and the words - think up the opposite positives that people could be saying e.g. "Wow look at her dedication", "Yeah good on you!", "It's so nice to see many different people coming here and dedicating themselves to their practice", "I admire her/him/them, it's harder to start from being unfit than it is to be at our established levels of fitness and strength","I hope we see them regularly so we can support her in her growth and achieving her goals" etc.
Compliment others - taking back your control and being the one to hand out your opinions of others will help you reclaim your power. Other people are often feeling anxious themselves, and in reframing the scene, you’ll find those people light up or feel bashful/embarrassed/shy themselves, which shows you that other’s being judgemental is often an the illusion based on past experiences or observations.
Imagination and emotion trump logical thinking and willpower alone - none of us would have issues if we all acted on what we logically know in reality - it's our emotions and feelings that get the better of us. So if you can start to visualise and imagine differently, this will cause your feelings and emotions to start matching that. Take a few moments to close your eyes and see yourself as you want to be seen, how you want yourself and others to see you. Look at the way you hold yourself, the way you walk, talk, dress, present yourself. Imagine yourself in all your ideal scenarios; feeling confident amongst friends, meeting new people, dating, spending time with loved ones. Fill your min up with vivid, bright, exciting pictures and tell your mind to move towards them (our brains LOVE instruction to make use of it!).
Emotions will pass - It is only human to try and avoid pain and feeling uncomfortable, but if instead of trying to fight, rationalise or create false scenarios you simply sit with the pain, the amount of time it takes for a feeling to pass is around 90 seconds. Don’t try and fight the tears, allow yourself to cry. Where tears flow, healing follows.
Remember you’re not alone in this - millions of people are feeling the exact same thing and it is a completely normal part of the human experience to feel bad and emotional. We NEED these times to appreciate the good
Ask why - determined the triggers that brought out the feelings
Write your thoughts down - journaling will help you analyse your thoughts
Become friends with yourself - Vulnerability is not a weakness, it is the thing that binds us together and we all have one thing in common - our greatest fear is that we’re different, and in thinking so, we all become the same.
3 Handy Mantras/Affirmations
Take a deep breathe - and repeat after me:
No matter how much I'm going to eat later or how much I ate yesterday I still deserve to eat today
I am fully aware that there is nothing wrong with my body, my body is the least interesting thing about me because I have so much more to offer
Body weight fluctuations and change are completely normal and don't mean I’m a failure in any way
3 Valuable AffOrmations - no the ‘o’ is not a mistake…
AffOrmations are my biggest secret in helping to change my life. Although I fully believe in the power of instructing our minds with statements, the feeling of answering an afformation and noticing the change immediately is second to none.
“If human thought is the process of asking and searching for answers to questions, why are we going around making statements we don’t believe? I somehow knew that if we started asking ourselves better questions instead of saying statements we didn’t believe, it would change everything…
When you ask a question, your mind automatically begins to search for an answer. Empowering questions unleash your ability to take action. The answers to empowering questions produce feelings of positive self-worth and ultimately lead to answers that tell the truth about Who You Really Are.”
— Noah St. John
Try this little experiment now and ask yourself:
Why is my body so strong?
Why do I feel so good about my body today?
Why am I attracting so many good feelings into my life?
“We exist in a world today when everything can be faked or fixed. Stomachs can be tightened and cellulite can be layered away apparently
From a young age we are unknowingly being trained by magazines marketing and all form of media into thinking that having cellulite or not wearing makeup is worthy of being publicly shamed, so there’s no way in hell as a young woman digesting this media that we’re not going to try and hide those parts of ourselves from then on. We aren’t born with these insecurities, we are told to be insecure about certain things, we’re conditioned to feel ashamed or embarrassed about certain parts of ourselves.”
- Lilli Reinhart
Remember - all these tips take PRACTICE! So hold compassion for yourself, you’re doing the best you can with the knowledge you have been given up to this day - it’s a transition and we’re here for the long-run so do your best.
If you or a loved one suffers from the adverse effects of dieting including but not limited to binge eating, I would love to hear from you! You can book a free no obligations consultation call with me by clicking the button below - I look forward to hearing from you.
